8

Tip of the Iceberg, Broken into Bits (Trigger Warning)

*******GUYS, please: Serious trigger warning is serious, as is the mature content filter.  They are there for a reason.  DO NOT go into this read if triggered by: sexual abuse/assault; emotional abuse; suicide threats; self harm.  Do not be alarmed:  I AM NOT with this guy any longer. But I got to thinking about this poem tonight, and how much I wish people could understand that it’s not always as easy as “just leaving” when it comes to abusive or toxic relationships, and I felt the need to share.  This is my story; please take a moment, if you’re willing, to read, to think, to try to understand…and to be kind.

Copyright Elizabeth Mathis, 2015; originally posted on deviantart right HERE.********

he’s I need you, I love you,
zero to engaged in less than a week,
your family’s approval already in hand
when the festivities stop
and he drops to one knee
no chance to think, no chance to back down–
he settled for second best all through high school,
there’s no chance he’s letting you slip by him now

he’s don’t let me go tears
when you’re dropped back at school,
the strokes of his fingers
smeared invisible over your skin,
the mark of his lips a painting only you see,
his ring a branded burden you’re not sure how to share
because when you left for home a month ago
you belonged to someone else

he’s handcuffed and carted away
just down the block from the theater over spring break
and you, already a mess of dependence
cheeks streaked with the weight of your heart,
wonder just what you’re getting into…but let the thought go
smoke on the wind
like the breaths of the cigarettes
you’ve become second-hand addicted to

he’s talks to people you don’t know
about your size, your shape,
the way your curves dip and hollow
because there are things he wants to do
but he’s not sure how
and he needs to know
to make it good;
he’s secrets told to people you don’t trust
because in his search for confidence
the only thing he knows how to focus on
is your body
and the places
only he can see

it’s he asks an online friend of yours
if she’d be the final piece
in a threesome
and you, uncomfortable
and burning red,
cross your fingers
and squint your eyes
and pray that she says no
because you can’t refuse him anything
but she can

he’s all smiles summer break,
hand holds and inappropriate public gropes
you can’t help but giggle over
discomfort be damned, discomfort go to hell,
he pushes shirts above your midriff
and calls you sexy, babygirl, doll…
stomach-flips and heart turnovers, please always stay!
but somewhere between the Wyoming/Colorado border
on your way to visit Dad and fam in autumn Vegas
something subtle shifts, shuffles, slides
into something worse

the first time you doubt the crazy stranglehold love
you leave blood on white carpet
in little sister’s bedroom,
ice and paper towels and panic at midnight
until it comes out

he’s tightening his hold
on the leash you didn’t know you were wearing,
nights spent at home, fits and phones thrown
at the floor
when you speak up, take a stand, change your mind;
friend lists growing smaller,
black abyss opening

you define codependence returning to college,
red-rimmed eyes and hiccupping sobs
when the car pulls away;
the summer is over
and so, you find out mere weeks later,
is the honeymoon

can’t sleep up all nights
calling despite your classes, your work, your lack of dreams
because he needs you–
the manipulation starts quiet, innocent, innocuous
and then it isn’t

“send me sexy pictures, please?”
and you do, countless baths
and phone on silent
because the roommates are just outside the door;
“tell me when to cum, babe”
ragged breathing, gasping words,
and you whisper
because the roommates are all in bed
and they can’t know your shame;
“get on webcam with me”
and you glance at the clock
and count the time you have,
is it long enough?  what if it’s not?

it’s he wants to send your pictures
to men from magazines
because you’re sexy enough to make the spread
except really
he just wants to sell you
because he can’t find or keep a job

and it goes on
and it gets worse
and you
break
down

first time:
“I’m such a jackass, babe.”
“why do you say that?”
“I went over there for friendship, and slept with her instead.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I won’t do it again.”

he’s apologies and sorrow
and a thousand missed texts when you forget your phone;
you let it slip, forgive and (try to) forget,
the voice in the back of your head
whispering, whispering, whispering things you ignore

second time:
“I didn’t mean to, I swear.
I just miss you.
Maybe if you send more pictures,
got on webcam with me,
got me off again
I wouldn’t be so tempted.”

he’s flowers and gifts, voicemails and emails,
and you try harder, you do what he says,
you spend nights at home on your computer and phone
and forget there’s another world
outside your relationship, your school, and your job

third time:
“I told you this would happen.”

and he yells at you:
you’re a bitch, you’re a slut,
you’re a whore opening her legs
to every guy in that dumb college town
and then he falls asleep,
ignores your calls until morning
and the world moves on

fourth time:
“if you don’t do
what I’m telling you to,
I’m going out and finding someone who will.
I did it before,
I’ll do it again.”

and he rubs it in every time you make him angry,
how easy it was to slip between her thighs,
how good it felt to forget you for a while…
for the first time since this started, you wonder
if this is the reason he keeps “single” on his facebook,
if this is the reason he avoids going out
when you’re home with him

fifth time:
“you stupid fucking slut,
all you women are the same,
can’t keep your zipper up
and your thighs closed”

he yells at you for talking to your mom,
he yells at you for talking to your ex,
he yells at you for talking to your friends,
he yells at you for talking to your roommates,
he yells at you for going out with your roommates,
he yells at you for having friends,
he yells at you for your roommates having friends,
he yells at you for your roommates inviting people over,
he yells at you for having a life outside of him,

he
yells
at
you
for
being
you

and you’re leaving your phone at home,
silencing it to get two hours of sleep,
ignoring texts and sobbing when nobody else is around
because you aren’t sure when things got so bad,
you aren’t sure what you’re doing wrong,
you aren’t sure what more you can give up to make him happy

connections made over the holidays
turn into paranoia, jealousy, anger;
choking on the end of your thread,
his marionette, you make a stance
and flee his company for just one night
because your mom told you to strike it on your own,
your mom thinks you’re in too deep,
your mom is concerned
he’s taking you over
and drowning you

hours later, his brother finds you laughing:
“he said you’d know where to find him,”
as he slips the wedding band,
a heavy burden you’re being strangled by,
into the palm of your hand
“said you’d know what to do with it”

you find him in the basement
smoke in mouth, eyebrows furrowed,
knife in hand and drawing across his skin,
a portrait of pain
he knows how to wield;
when you lead him to bed,
you make sure he leaves the knife
on the dryer

“if I ever find out we break up
because of that bitch mom of yours
I’ll kill her”
and your heart stops, just a moment,
before you let it go,
a moment of unbridled anger
hurled into hurtful words

“one month,”
he says the end of Christmas–
“if you can go one month
without talking to that bastard ex of yours
I won’t say anything more about it”

so you promise (sort of)
and you stick to it (for a day)
and you decide to sneak around
because damnit, if he can be friends
with all the girls he’s dated,
with all the girls he’s slept with,
with all the girls he knows
or doesn’t know
or wants to know
then why can’t you keep just ONE THING
for yourself?

your birthday
and he’s morose because it’s 21
and your roommates want to take you out,
to get you drunk,
to get you to at the very least have fun
but no, he doesn’t like that,
you can’t drink unless he’s there,
your first drink has to be with him

he’s quiet excitement, a manic happy
you can’t puzzle out over the phone
and someone knock, knock, knocking
at your front door

SHIT, you panic, SHIT
because he’s telling you to answer it
and the ex is coming over
to hang out, to celebrate, to give you five seconds of sane
in the insanity your life has derailed into
and if he finds out, if it’s HE at the door,
how are you going to handle
the blowup?

“go open the door!”
and you aren’t sure what to say
because there’s the ex
but he on the phone hasn’t explained,
hasn’t exclaimed,
hasn’t said
anything
and you stand, stupid, mouth open
eyes wide

“happy birthday, babygirl”
“I… what?”
“I’m giving Bau back to you”
“…I don’t understand?”
“he’s your birthday present”

as if people can be presents,
as if his friendship was up for the giving
just like that,
as if HE has any say
in who you’re friends with
in the first place

no, look deeper:
HE contacted the ex
(numbers he stole out of your phone
without permission,
you find out–numbers for the ex,
and your roommates,
and anyone else he thought you might
like to contact,
numbers he used
to manipulate and abuse
the people who were close to you)

he’s angry again, he’s angry all the time over
you no longer know what about,
and this time, he won’t let you explain;
“maybe I’ll just go throw myself
into traffic”
and the phone clicks
and the phone rings
and rings
and rings
and rings
and
r
i
n
g
s

the night is desperate, hourless,
you a wreck of nerves
and heartache
and the click of his voicemail;
in the morning, the sun dawns
and the world turns on still…
almost a full 24 hours later
you learn he was fine the whole time,
passed out and ignoring you

he’s kicked out of your moms house–
the last straw, the final nail in his coffin of hate–
and you, miles away, book a ticket
to his parents
because now that he needs them,
he’s willing to forgive, he’s willing to forget,
he’s willing to put his faith back in them

it’s your mom and brother ransack the bedroom
he was staying in
to get the stink of his stuff from their sight
and find your shame laid out:
packages stolen from strange mailboxes,
jewelry swiped from your mom’s drawers,
boxers knicked from little brother’s room;
pictures printed off college campus computers
you naked and baring all;
blow up doll shoved into the closet,
rubber mouth an O of deflated desire;
toys and swimsuits and lingerie and little blue pills
he never got around to giving you or using

and it’s almost finals week
and he’s planted his feet,
fingers digging into your neck
despite the miles,
jaw set in determination

you’re plans set to move to Colorado with him
his mom and stepdad excited,
looking into bus tickets, wanting you there;
your family, unstable and buckling,
calling to convince you not to go
because once you get there,
you’re stuck,
no job no friends no help no nothing but him
and that can’t be what you really want

the beginning of the end,
you’ve reached the frayed edges of the rope
you’ve been clinging so desperately to
he yells at you again
for calls to your mother, for advice listened to
that wasn’t from him
and you call his stepdad to try to understand

only one line stands out to you
from the mess of conversation that followed,
his stepdad cool and confident on the line
convinced you’ll do the right thing

“it was wrong of him to tell you
you can’t speak to your mom; she’s family,
it’s something we’re working on
but once you get down here,
you aren’t going to know anyone
it’ll just be you and him
and that’s all you’re really going to need”

five seconds of talk–
a new spin on the life you thought you were working for

you panic–SHIT–
what did you get yourself into
and how the hell
do you get yourself out of it?
because once you get down there,
you’ll never leave
and you realize it now;
no back to school in the autumn,
no going home to see mom,
no anyone you’ve ever known
or anything you’ve ever needed

you’re type 1 diabetic
and you know you haven’t done your best by yourself with it
but what if you get down there
and can’t afford your medications?
your test strips?
your supplies?
what if you get down there
and can’t afford to pay
for your right to keep your life?

it’s a burden of a different sort,
a stroke of epiphany you can’t shake off,
a sudden understanding that you’ve put it all on the line
for a guy who can’t handle treating you well
and what for
but heartache at the end
of a very long road

and you

f
i
n
a
l
l
y

leave

everything

in

silence

9

Top Ten Tuesday (#36)

TTT

HOSTED BY: The Broke and The Bookish
DESCRIPTION:  Top Ten Tuesday is an original feature/weekly meme created here at The Broke and the Bookish in June 2010. This feature was created because we are particularly fond of lists here at The Broke and the Bookish. We’d love to share our lists with other bookish folks and would LOVE to see your top ten lists!

Last week’s theme:In honor of Fall Tv, do a tv-themed topic!

Find their latest post here!

But no.  Nope.  I’m scheduling this post ahead of time and I just don’t WANNA with TV right now, soooo, have this instead:

Top 5 Songs I’m Totally OBSESSED with Right Now

I don’t even know how to explain this one, but this song.  THIS SONG.  I belong to this song.  It’s just so… so… I don’t even know!  But it’s something.  And that something?  is pretty freaking epic, I think.

This is just so poetic and gorgeous and…gaaaaah.  Yes.  Love.  So much love.

There’s something so so pretty about this duet–and the yearning in the lyrics.  It speaks to me.  It speaks to me SO.  DEEPLY.  Of course, Halestorm usually does.

If you take time to listen to/watch any of these songs, PLEASE make it this one.  It’s gorgeous, and insightful, and speaks so deeply to the core of all of us, and… I cannot recommend it enough.

Again… I picked this one for the lyrics.  Listen to it.  Understand it.  THINK about it.  I promise, it’ll change you if you let it.

What are some of YOUR current musical obsessions?!  Please share them with me below–I LOVE getting music recommendations!  Also, what did you think of my choices?   Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments, or link me to your own Top Ten Tuesday!

Until next time, happy book-ing!

New Sig

2

How To: Freak the FRACKLE Out Over Scary Video Games

HowTo Freak

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING!

“Beth!  You JUST posted a how to yesterday, are you sick?!  Is the world ending?!  Have you run out of tuna fish?!”

To which I respond:  “Well, not really.  I certainly hope not, I have more penguin-ing to do!  YESYESYES IT’S A DEFINITE PROBLEM!  Also I can’t find my hoard of pebbles; how do they always disappear overnight?!”

The truth is, this penguin decided to start a horror of a video game last night…in the dark…with headphones on instead of listening to it through the tv speakers…

Let’s just say, I’m both TERRIFIED and ABSOLUTELY ADDICTED all at once.

What is the game, you ask?

Image result

This one.  THIS.  THIS GAME!  Oh my penguins, penguins, this game will knock the floof out of your little penguin chests without even really trying.  And it’s AWESOME.

 But it got me thinking–I talked, yesterday, of how to flail like a penguin.  But what about the other emotions?!  I mean, even penguins get scared sometimes.  Feel pain.  Are sad.  So, let’s focus on one of those, yes?  I give you:

How to Freak the FRACKLE Out Over Scary Video Games

(we’re not even going to TALK about the fact that Bau was sitting next to me laughing his butt off the whole time, because ROOD.  ROOD, DUDE.  Rood!  I should make him go tuna fish hunting for this hungry penguin as punishment…)

So.  I started the game, and at first, it was all like:

Image result for scared potter gif

Image result for scared potter gif

And then…creaky noises, weird notes, flickering lights, which led to…

Image result for okay, maybe a little gif

Image result for okay, maybe a little gif

But see…that was only the PROLOGUE!  I didn’t even know.  I had no idea.  Once chapter one started, it became more like all of this:

Image result for scared gif

Image result for scared gif

Image result for scared gif

Image result for scared gif

Image result for scared gif

Image result for scared gif

Image result for scared gifImage result for scared gif

Uhm.  So…I stopped just after Chapter Two started.  I intend, at some point today probably, to keep on trucking, but…

Needless to say, this game?  Total awesome.  BUT OH MY PENGUINS, HORRIFYING!

What have you guys been playing lately?  Have any game recommendations you think I should consider?!  Let me know in the comments!

Until next time, happy book-ing!  And remember–it’s okay to freak the frackle out like a human now and then.  Even penguins need to scream sometimes.

New Sig

23

5 Strange Facts About ME!

Hello! to all my new followers.  And a shout out to all of you who’ve been with me from the beginning–you all rock my awkward webbed toes, so thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for being such supportive penguins!

It’s been a while since my last “introducing ME” post, so today, I thought we’d switch things up a little.  Without further ado, I give you

5 Strange Facts About ME!

(I mean, besides the whole webbed toes thing.  That was a freebie.)

I am the QUEEN of weird dreams.

Let me just give you a tiny teaser taste, yes?

The weirdest dream I’ve ever had went a little something like this:

I was working with some sort of childcare service.  We were (for some unknown reason) hanging out in an abandoned building.  One of the kids we were watching over went missing, and I volunteered to go searching for him/her.  After several grueling minutes of yelling their name and hard-listening…someone started following me.  Of course, I ran–and wound up in a dank, dirty, dim bathroom.  As I stood there, thinking, the door swung open and an older gentleman came into the room.  By this time, I was through with the games–I wanted answers, I wanted the kid, and I wanted to leave.  Instead of being afraid of the old man (who, just five minutes prior, had been chasing me through this creepy place), I became angry.  I decided (rather spur of the moment, and once again, for some very odd reason I can’t explain now) that it would be GREAT fun…to pull his face from his skull.  I reached up, grabbed hold of his ears, yanked!….

and found a floating goldfish beneath his skin.

Like I said, QUEEN of odd dreams.  Anyone want to try to decipher that for me?  I still don’t know what it meant.

I suffer from chronic night terrors.

By chronic, I mean I have AT LEAST two a week–sometimes more, depending on stress levels.  What I “see” during these terrors varies, though usually it’s either spiders…or shadow people.  There’s a rather large, domed ceiling light that hangs right above where my feet hit the bed when I’m lying down, and I see a LOT of large, distorted faces there.  I also see people standing either above the bed…or sitting out in the living room, which is just through the doorway.  Of course, the spiders thing I don’t need to explain, I don’t think.

The night terrors I’m used to; I’ve been having them since I was in middle school, and usually handle them pretty well.  (I mean…sometimes I don’t realize what’s happening until I’m out of bed and halfway toward the front door, but…meh. That’s a rare thing these days.)

I also, on rare occasion, have episodes of sleep paralysis.  These are worse than the terrors.

I don’t, in general (as I’m sure you might have guessed), get a whole lot of restful sleep.

I am allergic to metal.

In fact, my skin is SO sensitive, I can’t even wear the cheap hypoallergenic crap without breaking out in less than five minutes.  My ears are ESPECIALLY bad–which is why I stopped wearing earrings.  I also can’t wear my wedding band (it’s cheap metal, too, because we can’t afford a real one at this time.)  My medical alert bracelet is made from para cord…and my glasses frames are plastic.  I have learned these things the hard way.

I am also highly sensitive to certain types of dog drool, and will break out in hives if those breeds slobber on me TOO much.  Which…happens easily, because I love dogs and can’t help but love on them.

I have a VERY creative imagination. 

And often go on long-winded, abstract tangents if I get too bored (or if I’m in the midst of a hyper attack.)

I once spent an entire lunch break (back when I actually got lunch breaks) telling the husband about the Caw Father and his Raven Wing Mafia.

It is ALSO during such moments I reinvent well-known songs…usually with zombies.  For example:

(sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Nomming on some blueberries,
juice staining my hands.
I went in for another bite
when the dead rose from the land!
I let out one loud yell,
grabbed my shotgun up
but I didn’t move fast enough–
I guess my brains are lunch!
Oh chew chew chew,
crunch, crunch, crunch–
there’s teeth marks on my veins.
I lost my stomach yesterday…
let’s fill it with some brains!

I will admit, there MIGHT be something wrong with me.

I don’t get “brain freeze”…

And by this I mean I TOTALLY get brain freeze…in my back.

Seriously, I always know a brain freeze is headed my way because the base of my spine literally cramps up.  This pain?  Radiates toward my kidneys (maybe I have metal kidneys?!) and is WORSE than any brain freeze I’ve ever experienced.  I don’t know why this happens; if someone has an idea, or an explanation, I’d LOVE to hear it, because I’m baffled.  Sometimes, it gets so bad, I have to kneel on the floor and curl up over my knees–there’s no simple solution like a soft pallet to the spine.  It just doesn’t work that way!

There you have it!

5 things you probably didn’t know about me…and probably don’t care about one way or the other, now that you DO know!

Thank you SO much for reading, guys!  Let me know in the down below what the weirdest fact about YOU is (I mean…if you wanna.)  And tell me:  Am I the strangest person you know yet?  If not, I need to up my game.

Until next time, happy book-ing!

New Sig

33

Top Ten Tuesday (#27)

TTT

HOSTED BY: The Broke and The Bookish
DESCRIPTION:  Top Ten Tuesday is an original feature/weekly meme created here at The Broke and the Bookish in June 2010. This feature was created because we are particularly fond of lists here at The Broke and the Bookish. We’d love to share our lists with other bookish folks and would LOVE to see your top ten lists!

This week’s theme: Top Ten Reasons We LOVE the Online Book Community

Find their latest post here!

I’m not even going to TRY to give you an excuse this week.  I didn’t even LOOK at the topic, because I had something MAJOR planned and I wanted to see it through no matter what.  So.  My theme?!

Top Ten Things I Say Aloud While Reading

C’mon… you ALL know you talk when you’re reading.  I’m not afraid to admit it.

This book is SO stupid!

Yes, I’m kicking off this list with the bad one.  No, I’m not apologizing.

If these words fall out of my mouth during reading, it means:  I’m disenchanted with the story/world; I’m disgusted by the characters; I’m bored stiff; there are very few redeeming qualities.

This.  Is.  Bad.  This is also where my 2 and 3 Penguin ratings come into play.  TRUST ME, I keep track–the more this sentence happens, the lower the rating gets.  It’s like a Penguin Limbo!

Wait, WHAT?!

This usually follows a plot twist, though sometimes this also means I’m confused about something.  Which leads us into…

I’m so confused!

I mean… Do I really need to explain this one?!  Aside from stating that this seems to be my go-to phrase for mystery/thrillers, because…well… mystery.

What is happening?

Read as:  I have absolutely no idea what’s going on but I kind of like not knowing so don’t spoil it for me.  I know, it’s a mouthful.  This sentence is an overachiever.

You (please insert choice insult here)!

My personal favorites include:  idiot; bastard; meathead.  This usually happens when a character does something I DO NOT LIKE.  It also causes the hubby to look at me like I’m quite off my rocker (I mean…I don’t disagree.)

Wow, you’re annoying!

Sometimes this is followed up with, “but you’re adorable, so I forgive you.”

How.  Dare.  You.

Yes, I often talk to authors like they’re sitting right next to me.  No, I don’t think this is  problem.  No, you can’t tell me why I’m wrong.

Don’t you do it!

Yes, I also talk to book characters like they can hear me.  No, it doesn’t ever change things.

This book is gonna hurt me.

Have you ever gone into a book just KNOWING, without a doubt, that it was bound to shatter you into teensy pieces?  Yeah, I thought so.

Angry, dying penguin noises.

Because sometimes, there are just no words to describe the HURTRAGE racing through me.  In these moments, I am beyond broken.  I am penguin goop.

And that’s it!

What do YOU most often say out loud while reading?!  Have any funny or embarrassing stories to go along with this theme?!  Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments, or link me to your own Top Ten Tuesday!

Until next time, happy book-ing!

New Sig

25

You Guys ROCK!

I just realized I’ve reached 300 followers on wordpress–to all my fellow bookish penguins, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I feel like I don’t interact with a lot of you often enough, though, so here’s what we’re gonna do.  In the comments, feel free to leave me:

  1. Any one question you most want me to answer (can be about me, about books, about penguins…whatever, it’s your choice!)
  2. Leave me a link to your favorite post from your own blog.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself–favorite book?  least favorite character?  most beautiful cover (in your opinion)?  Again, anything goes–I’d love to get to know you all better!

Thank you again, guys–happy booking!

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8

It’s All About Me, and Who I Am (Tag)

I found this tag via Lauren @ Wonderless Reviews on this post right over HERE!  Thanks, Lauren–you always have the bestest tags!

Vital Stats

IMG_20160517_132603

Name: Elizabeth
Nicknames: Beth, Bethy, Bethly (I miss you, Grandpa), RizzedBeth, Liz
Birthday: March 8th
Star Sign: Pisces
Occupation: Retail/Cashier

Appearance 

Hair colour: Mostly brown
Hair length: Short
Eye colour: Brown
Best Feature: Hmm… I like my eyes.  And my collarbones.
Piercings: Technically my ears are pierced, but I’m SOOPAH allergic to metal.  I can’t even wear the hypo-allergenic crap because I break out in about five minutes.  Also, I can’t afford the expensive gold crap, so… tada!
Tattoos: Not yet, but I’d love to get at least one someday!  It’s on my bucket list.
Right or Left: For wha?  I’m right-handed, if that’s what you’re asking…

Firsts 

Best Friend:  One of the…fourteen?!…kids who lived across the way from my grandma.  I don’t know why, but he and I clicked almost immediately when we were little, and were pretty much inseparable until he moved away.  I remember in kindergarten one day, I had a tummy ache.  He let me lean my head on his shoulder during story time.  I still think about him sometimes… I don’t know if he even remembers who I am.
Award: I don’t even remember.  Something for school.
Sport: Lmao I was never allowed to participate in sports.
Real Holiday: Uhm.  I dunno?  I don’t know if I’ve EVER been on a real holiday lol.
Concert: The Cool Whip guys came to our high school.  I guess I can count that, right?  ( and by Cool Whip guys, I mean Ball in the House )

Favourites

Film: I can’t pick just one!  Let’s see… The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride; Practical Magic; Pitch Perfect; Big Hero 6; Pirates of the Caribbean (the entire franchise); G.I. Jane; Dead Silence; 10 Things I Hate About You; How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days; Hope Floats; Moulin Rouge….I could keep going, but.
TV Show: Criminal Minds; Monsters Inside Me; Face Off; Boy Meets World AND Girl Meets World; Gilmore Girls
Colour: I mean, this changes depending on the day.  Today?  It’s these:


Song: I…you’re joking, right?  Tell me you’re joking?  How about I give you…uhm…three?  But you have to realize, these aren’t the ONLY ones!

Restaurant: I don’t really have one?  Mostly because I live in a TEENY TINY TOWN.  No really.
Shop: Again, I don’t *really* have one, because…we have literally none around here.
Books:

You really want to know?  Go here.

Currently 

Feeling: Tired and full.  YAY ham!
Single or Taken: Married.  So… what do you think?
Eating: Nothing.  Because just finished.  YAY ham!
Thinking About: Not much honestly.
Watching: Nothing.
Wearing: Plaid pajama pants and an orange-pink long sleeve.

Future

Want Children: Yes.  When the time’s right.
Want to be Married:  I already AM married.
Careers in Mind: Can… Can I just, like, read books for a living?  Or raise penguins?!
Where You Want To Live: I don’t really care, so long as it’s warm and dry and has the hubby in it.

Do you Believe …

God: Not really
Miracles: What do you mean by “miracles,” exactly?
Love at First Sight: Definitely NOT.
Ghosts: Definitely YES.
Aliens: Definitely YES.
Soul Mates: I believe there are different types of soul mates, so YES.
Heaven: Not “heaven” per se.
Hell: Naw.
Kissing on the First Date: *shrug* It’s your life, do what yah want!
Yourself: I try to.  It’s harder some days than others.  Today is a good day.

Tagging:

Whoever decides they wanna do the thing should totes DO THE THING!

11

The Entertainer Blogger Award

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HUGE thanks to Anna @ Space Cats and Books for nominating me for this award!  You can see her nomination post right over HERE!

HERE ARE THE RULES:

  • Write a post with the award picture.
  • Nominate 12 other bloggers who are funny, inspiring, and, most important of all, ENTERTAINING!
  • Add these rules to the post.
  • Thank the person who nominated you and leave a link to their blog!
  • Also, answer these questions down below!

Before I begin…can we, like, agree to make awards with INTERESTING questions in the future?!  I mean don’t get me wrong, okay, but seeeeeriously–it’s always the same questions.  I get bored easily!

No worries, no worries… I’ll suffer through it for you guys.

1. Why did you start a blog in the first place?

It’s a pretty easy answer, really.  I’d had a tumblr for…I don’t know how long, and wasn’t finding what I wanted there in terms of community.  So I branched out, realized I had a wordpress sitting around in the dark collecting cobwebs (yay me? I don’t even know why I started this blog in the first place) and VOILA!  Here I be!

Of course, all you lovely readers helped–thanks for being epical and glittery!

2. What is your favorite book?

Why do people always assume I’m going to have only one?!  REAL BOOK ADDICTS CAN NEVER PICK JUST ONE!  I mean really, it’s like potato chips…can YOU eat only one potato chip!?  I didn’t think so.  (if you don’t like potato chips, feel free to stick your own brand of addiction in there–chocolate chips, peanut butter balls, strawberries….)

To answer the question, though, I’ll direct you to two different goodreads folders:

5 Penguin Reads

Life Ruiners

3. What do you dislike the most?

What…do you mean in terms of books?  Pet peeves?  Music?  Food?  I don’t… I’m a reader, YOU MUST be more specific!

Let’s see… in terms of books:  insta-love and cliff-hanger endings (and by this, I mean the UNNECESSARY ones.  I don’t mind the normal cliff-hanger sometimes, but not every book in a series HAS to have one, you know?!)

In terms of…everything else?… I haaaaate when people say “living the dream” or “just another day in paradise” in response to asking how they are.  Don’t do that, okay?  I don’t need your back-handed sarcasm.

4. What is your favorite food item from the mall?

Pretzels.  OH.  MAH.  GOSH.  Pretzels.

5. What is your favorite pastime activity?

I mean…have you, uhm… Have you been around these parts long?

Aside from the obvious…

Music.  Movies.  TV shows.  I have a burgeoning love of Anime happening.  And sometimes I write, though…not as much as I should.  Because WHO HAS TIME?!

I Nominate:

Lauren @ Wonderless Reviews

Bia and Cass @ bandcbooks

Aya @ A Blessed Brownie

Cat @ The Book Finch

Michelle @ Book Adventures

Deanna @ A Novel Glimpse

Ashley @ Socially Awkward Bookworm

Carrie @ Carrie’s Book Reviews

Lila @ The Bookkeeper’s Secrets

Book Babe Reviews

Kath @ Kath Reads

Book Haunt

6

The Secret Life of a Book Blogger

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I was tagged by Lauren over at Wonderless Reviews in this post right HERE!

If you don’t know Lauren yet, you really need to go fix that.  Like, right now.  GO!  I promise this post will still be here when you get back!

(Also, she has a tendency to throw glitter.  It’s sort of like

except, like, all the time! Total win, if you ask me.)

How long have you been a blogger?

According to wordpress, I’ve had this blog for over FIVE YEARS!  I’ve only actively been using it for about one, though.  So… yeah.

At what point do you think you will stop?

LOL no, uhm.  I honestly don’t know?  I guess when I find it’s no longer fun.  Or something.

What is the best thing?

PENGUINS! AND COOKIES! AND CHOCOLATE! AND MUSIC! AND….

Wait, you meant about blogging!  XD

PENGUINS! AND PEOPLE! AND PEOPLE WHO LOVE THE PENGUINS!

Does that answer your question?

What is the worst thing? What do you do to make it okay?

Book.  Haul.  Envy.

LOL this gets me.  This gets me every time.

How long does it take to find/create pictures to use?

Whaaaaaat?! I don’t need pictures. Pshhhhhh, just LOOK AT THE PENGUINS!  Look at the penguins and it’ll aaaaaaall be okay!

Who’s your book crush?

I always come back to Liam.  Always, always, alwaaaaaays.

What author would you like to have on your blog?

Do people legitimately only pick ONE author for this question?! O.o

I just… I don’t know that I should even start listing them off, because we’d be here LITERALLY for the rest of forever, but let’s see…

Natalia Jaster.  Emily Henry.  Sophia Elaine Hanson.

I think right now, they’re top three.

What do you wear when you write your blog?

I live in my pajamas when I’m not working.  So, warm long sleeves (because winter right now) and fuzzy soft pants!

How long does it take you to prepare?

How do you feel about the book blogger community/culture?

CAAAAAAN you feel the LOOOOOOOVE tonight?!  Because I do–it’s EVERYWHERE in this community, and that makes this community awesome.

What do you think one should do to have a successful blog?

Okay, guys–this is gonna be hard!

  1. Write what you want to.
  2. Post it.
  3. Do you like it?  That’s all that matters!
  4. LOOK, YOU’RE A STAR!

Who do you tag?

Lesseeeeeeeeee…

Britt @ Geronimo Reads

Lissy @ Lissy Reads

Samantha @ The Book Disciple

Lola @ Hit or Miss Books

Cat @ They Used to Dance