How To: Freak Out Over Books Professionally

If you’re anything like me, you’re an obsessive, addicted book penguin.

No, no, don’t freak out, it’s okay!  The page police aren’t waiting to book you on charges of compulsion and need.  Stand tall!  Admit it loudly!

“I. AM. A. READER!”

Doesn’t that feel SO much better?  It’s unhealthy to hold things like that in, you know–and there’s nothing to be ashamed of!  (at least, not here among friends and book penguins.  Here, you’re safe)

This isn’t, of course, the only step–when it comes to book obsessing like a professional, there are RULES to follow.  Want to know if you’re on the right track?!  Keep on reading–I’ll outline a few of the most important steps for you.

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Because this could be messy.

For instance:  you’re in a bookstore!  YAY, BOOKS!  Your arms are already over-laden with pretties–hardcovers, box sets, paperbacks…you don’t care, you don’t discriminate, they’re all pretties!  When GASP OF ALL GASPS, you spy a signed edition of your most favoritest baby in the whole entire world!

Commence freak out mode.  You’re dancing foot-to-foot, heavy book stack swaying precariously, when you realize the entire store has stopped browsing to watch you do the pretties dance.

Whatever you do, DO.  NOT.  STOP!  You run the risk of all those books going flying.  Small children and innocent bookworms are bound to be hurt.  Do everyone a favor and avoid the mess–sudden stops are NOT a dancing book penguin’s friend.

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If you’re surrounded by loud, screaming people, you probably don’t want THAT to be your moment.  They won’t hear you over themselves!  And you WANT them to hear you–you have books to freak out about!  You have possible penguins to convert and bring over to the book side!  No, loud noises and chaos?  NOT a book penguin’s best option.

Instead, go for something more along the lines of:  the kids are sleeping soundly (I mean, it is after midnight, BUT THIS CAN’T WAIT!); your husband’s on the toilet or in the shower (bathrooms?  privacy?!  WHAT EVEN IS THAT NONSENSE when it comes to books?!); your family is in the middle of the most climactic plot twist of the most epic movie EVAR (just…watch out for sudden flying objects.  You can’t freak out about books if you’re unconscious)

These, penguins.  THESE are your moments.

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Don’t give me that quiet-as-a-church-mouse, head bowed in respect crap–we don’t have time for that!  There are too many books to freak out over!

MAKE IT LOUD, penguins!  Shout it from the rooftops in that “proclaiming your ever-lasting love, let the whole world hear” voice I KNOW is lurking deep within you.  It might hurt.  You might permanently damage your vocal cords, but your job will be well-done, and that’s all that matters!

Also, bonus points if it sounds dirty taken out of context.  Life’s too short to miss out on a good laugh at everyone else’s expense, after all!

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Facebook?!  No, no…it’s BOOKbook now!  Instagram?!  Suuuuure, post your face…covered up by books!  Twitter?!  There are TONS of hashtags for that, if you’re brave enough to look.

It’s like chicken pox, penguins–scratch it once and suddenly it’s ALL you think about for the rest of EVAR.  So go on!  Tear those oven mitts off.  Sharpen your nails.  Scratch until it BLEEDS ink!  Dig out your hammer, build yourself a book fortress, and POSTPOSTPOST!  Other book penguins will find you eventually, I promise…and you might convert the world around you in the process!

What tips would YOU give blossoming book addicts?  Do you agree or disagree with the above?  WHY?!  Feel free to let me know your thoughts below!

Until next time, happy book-ing…and don’t forget to get your freak (out) on!

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3 thoughts on “How To: Freak Out Over Books Professionally

  1. Pingback: Sunday Post (#24) | betwixt-the-pages

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